nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
