I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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