Don't you send me to vm
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
