Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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