Apparently you make a good broom.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
