I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
