is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
