ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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