Porn is love you can see.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
