Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
