Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
