I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
