pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
