I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
