I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
