At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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