So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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