Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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