just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
