i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
