my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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