Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
