We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
