hotel room ftw
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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