whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
