Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
