I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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