So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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