Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
