Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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