tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
