I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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