Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
