The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
