I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
