I think I won the penis lottery.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
