hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
