Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
