I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
