My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
