I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
