dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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