kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
