after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
