I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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