Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
