Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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