It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
