hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
