The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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