If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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