I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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