I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
